fell,while celebrating my freedom, and consequently memorialized the official loss of my youth. Pretty darn patriotic, right? Here's what really happened: I tried to learn to water ski and busted my butt (quite literally). I'm not sure what is more damaged- my ass or my ego.
The unthinkable happened this weekend: I actually found myself childless, physically healthy, and responsibility-free, and all on a holiday weekend! So, in typical me fashion, I took what could have been a perfect weekend of relaxation and turned it into OvercompensationFest 2011. "I can sleep in!" I thought to myself. But did I stop there? No. Noooooo.
"I'll have champagne for breakfast! It's a celebration!" said my internal monologue.
"An impromptu boat trip? Great idea!" it soon repeated.
"I think now would be the PERFECT time to try waterskiing!" I heard that pesky inner voice say. Oh wait- no, that was my actual out-loud voice, as spoken to my friend (and boat owner) Bruce, over a few domestic beers.
Bruce, who is younger than me and childless, decided to humor this obviously ridiculous idea.
Someone should have stopped me before the rope was ever thrown out. I managed to accomplish donning the skis and getting into position with all the grace and aquatic finesse of a 1-flippered manatee with an inner-ear infection. Bruce informed me that the hardest part was getting up, and that a good strategy was to keep my legs together. Lord knows I have plenty of practice doing that, so I thought I was in the clear.
Then came the motor. Did I manage to keep my legs together? No, no I did not. Picture a strong toddler who is determined to see just how far out of socket Barbie's leg will bend. That should give you a pretty good picture of the resulting movement of my left leg (albeit with a flabbier, less-shapely leg). I knew I had hurt myself, but my pride hurt more. So genius me, now stubbornly pissed off, got right back up and did the exact same thing again. I realized very quickly that it was over. At least for now.
Today I went back to work, hobbling around and trying to think of a clever lie to tell people when they ask me why I am limping. I can't bring myself to say, "I dislocated my butt trying to learn to waterski over the weekend." It's just not dignified. A least not for a woman my age.
I officially have item #1 on my "Things I should have attempted over a decade ago" list.