Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Watersports and Freedom, -or- Things Not to Try When One is Pushing 30

I think I celebrated Memorial Day in one of the most American ways possible.  In memory of our fallen soldiers, I fell,while celebrating my freedom, and consequently memorialized the official loss of my youth.  Pretty darn patriotic, right?  Here's what really happened:  I tried to learn to water ski and busted my butt (quite literally).  I'm not sure what is more damaged- my ass or my ego.

The unthinkable happened this weekend:  I actually found myself childless, physically healthy, and responsibility-free, and all on a holiday weekend!  So, in typical me fashion, I took what could have been a perfect weekend of relaxation and turned it into OvercompensationFest 2011.  "I can sleep in!" I thought to myself.  But did I stop there?  No.  Noooooo.

"I'll have champagne for breakfast!  It's a celebration!" said my internal monologue.
"An impromptu boat trip?  Great idea!" it soon repeated.
"I think now would be the PERFECT time to try waterskiing!"  I heard that pesky inner voice say.  Oh wait- no, that was my actual out-loud voice, as spoken to my friend (and boat owner) Bruce, over a few domestic beers.

 Bruce, who is younger than me and childless, decided to humor this obviously ridiculous idea. 

Someone should have stopped me before the rope was ever thrown out.   I managed to accomplish donning the skis and getting into position with all the grace and aquatic finesse of a 1-flippered manatee with an inner-ear infection.  Bruce informed me that the hardest part was getting up, and that a good strategy was to keep my legs together.  Lord knows I have plenty of practice doing that, so I thought I was in the clear.

Then came the motor.  Did I manage to keep my legs together?  No, no I did not.  Picture a strong toddler who is determined to see just how far out of socket Barbie's leg will bend.  That should give you a pretty good picture of the resulting movement of my left leg (albeit with a flabbier, less-shapely leg).  I knew I had hurt myself, but my pride hurt more.  So genius me, now stubbornly pissed off, got right back up and did the exact same thing again.  I realized very quickly that it was over.  At least for now.

Today I went back to work, hobbling around and trying to think of a clever lie to tell people when they ask me why I am limping.  I can't bring myself to say, "I dislocated my butt trying to learn to waterski over the weekend." It's just not dignified.  A least not for a woman my age.

I officially have item #1 on my "Things I should have attempted over a decade ago" list.

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