Friday, October 31, 2008

We Wii!

A few days ago, I was having one of those evenings where you just have to put on makeup and get out of the house. So for cheap entertainment in my low-income part of town, I decided what better to do than go and observe the local ne'er do wells in their natural habitat- Wal-Mart.

So there we were... just my family and I amidst a sea of sagging jeans, night-time visors, gold teeth, and bleached blond hair the size of which is rarely seen outside of a Texas trailer park... when I noticed how fat everyone at Wal-Mart is. This train of thought led me to remember a mommy and baby workout DVD that someone had recommended to me. So we walked over to the electronics department in search of the DVD, when lo and behold... the fluorescent lights shone down from mega-store heaven above, directly on to an IN STOCK Wii AND Wii Fit! *insert heavenly music* It was like the low-price-place gods had spoken directly to me, and I had no choice but to listen. Still in disbelief, I pushed my way through the juvenile delinquents crowed around the demo machines, playing Grand Theft Auto 8 or Hannah Montana- Ultimate Rock Star Party, or whatever the heck it is that bad kids these days are playing, and find a Wal-Mart employee to reaffirm my faith and hand over the Wii (Apparently I wasn't the only one in shock- a rather cute girl came up and asked if the boxes truly were Wii's while the guy was helping me. Only, when she spoke to him in a flirtatious voice about her workouts, it became obviously clear that this girl was a man. Eric didn't play that one very cool, but I digress...)

So, instead of a $12 DVD, I am now the proud owner of $400 worth of Wii and Wii accessories.

I have to say, though, this thing is AWESOME. It used to be that watching other people play video games was boring. Not so with the Wii. Watching Eric break a sweat on the Wii short run is great entertainment for me (and for the record, it is scary how much his mii looks like him!), and watching me Wii hula hoop is apparently great entertainment for him. Score 1 for Wii. Plus, there is Wii Zelda. Score 2. Perhaps my finest moment with the Wii came from the initial fitness assessment of the Wii Fit. Eric laughed as I was nervously awaiting my post-baby BMI results. He laughed harder when the ticker went to fairly close to the highest end of the "normal" range. Instead of kicking him in his old-man shin, I let him do the fitness assessment instead. When the ticker went halfway into "Overweight," I got the last laugh. What helped even more was when his mii automatically plumped up. Mwhahaha. Score 3, 4, and 5 for Wii. Sometimes, I love Karma.

I guess I'm not the only one who still has some baby weight to lose.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Notes on Breastfeeding

When you are pregnant, you are filled with hopes and dreams. You sit lazily staring off into the sunlight, and imagine your relationship with your new bouncing bundle of joy. You have read all the information you can possibly absorb about all things baby related, especially the first bonding moment- breastfeeding. You imagine it just how the books tell you- you and your little cherub will gaze lovingly into each others eyes while he suckles oh-so-contentedly off your ample breasts. Such love, such tenderness.

Fast forward five months.

My child is wailing like a pint-sized banshee. Is he wet? No. Hungry? I don't think so. Cold? Nope. Perhaps if I put him in my lap, he will calm down. Uh uh. What to do? I know- instead of finding creative ways to entertain my baby and stimulate his imagination, I think I'll pop a boob in his mouth and hop on my laptop! Genius! So I ask my baby if he wants the booby (hopefully that won't be his first word) and he gives me a gummy little grin and starts to open and close his mouth like a little fish in preperation for his feast. All is good. Until... it turns out he IS hungry again. And he isn't getting enough milk out, because he just ate an hour before. So what does my little cherub do? He bitch slaps me in the boob. Yep, he's totally like "Where's my milk? I said GIVE ME MY MILK, BIOTCH!"

This seems to be somewhat effective for a moment, until he starts squirming again. So he slaps again, but now he's got a new trick. I have no idea what it has to do with the flow of the milk, but he's discovered (for the first time out of utero, anyway) how to effectively kick mommy and push off her internal organs. So now he has one really strong foot implanted in my abdomen, one on my throat (my baby is quite flexible, and remember... he got steriod shots in the womb), and he has his little talon-like claws out trying to pull on the other nipple (are you enjoying this visual yet?). Like a good mother, I persevere and focus my attention elsewhere. And then, HE BITES MY NIPPLE! You'd think it wouldn't be so bad what with the lack of teeth and all, but I swear this child has the jaws of death. For one tiny flash in time, my subconscious battles between two primal instincts: Maternal instinct, which says to nurture and protect your baby, and Survival instinct, which says to remove whatever is causing you severe bodily harm as forcibly and quickly as possible from your body, and get it far far away from you. Luckily, maternal instinct wins out. Before I've even had time to process this, I let out a loud scream, startling the baby. His death grip relaxes and his little limbs flail in the air, because I've scared him.

And then, he looks up at mommy with a wicked little milky grin, and it's all worthwhile.

Ah, the womanly art of breastfeeding.

Everyone else is doing it...

I have reached that special time in every cybergirl's life- the time where she spreads her wings and starts her own blog. No longer will the virtual halls of Myspace do to post my ramblings, for I am now a grown up. I am a mother, after all. And as such, my previous keen insight and interest in sociopolitcal, metaphysical, philosophical and other big-worded topics has been replaced by keen insight and interest in baby poop and other baby bodily fluids. For that, I apologize to all my childless friends. Hopefully one day soon I can find some sort of balance. We'll see. Who knows where this blog will take me.

Thanks for stopping by.