Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Valentine's Day Cards that Can't Quite Commit

This is a V-Day card MADE for men.  My "friend" just got this card in the mail:

"Because You Mean So Much"

Valentine's Day/ is a day for telling/ those people we care about/ just how much/ they mean to us.../
So I couldn't/ let this day go by/ without you knowing/ how very much/ I enjoy being with you./
The times we share/ are very special to me.../ and so are you.
HAPPY (all caps) Valentine's Day (obligatory scroll-y script).

Somebody actually got paid to write that.  I read the fine print- yep, it's actually from Hallmark. 

Now- my translation:

"Because You are Putting Out on a Semi-Regular Basis"
Valentine's Day/ is a day/ that I don't give a crap about/ but I know you expect something from me/
So I couldn't/ let this day go by/ without you thinking/ I acknowledge this/ so I can still get laid./
The times we share/ are sex/ and therefore I like them.../ and you're ok, too.
Again with the "HAPPY Valentine's Day."

Although the quality of their writing has obviously gone down, I will hand it to them: they are tapping into their niche markets. Hallmark:  Not just your grandmother's greeting card.