Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Bitter, Party of One

So I just watched this birth slide show by some Orange County photographer on Facebook, because one of my friends posted it, and then about 30 of my other friends commented on how beautiful it was, and how they all cried. 
 Here is my take on it.

 This gorgeous chick and her super-attentive husband had a natural home birth, complete with midwive, grandma, and expensive photographer (who set the slideshow to a musical background of Enya).  I can only hope that mom's legs and body were photoshopped, because no human being is that hairless- even the tiny one that she pushed out in her inflatable birthing tub, set upon immaculate yet really cool hardwood floors.  This really good-looking couple's hip tattoos would lend one to believe that they had crappy jobs, but at least they had each other- but their Orange County home, apparently remodeled and filled with understated modern artwork, screamed otherwise.  They have money, too.  Bastards.

So let me recap:  Gorgeous couple, trendy enough for me not to hate, nice home, apparently head-over-heels in love, perfect naturally birthed baby with cool name- all set to aforementioned musical backdrop of Enya. 

And yet all I, with my overly cynical mind and chubby Baby Daddy who doesn't want to pay child support, could think was this- Haha, I had an epidural, biotch.  Who's in labor now???  Mwhahaha. Epidurals are better than world peace.  My epidural kicks her lovely and thoughtful birthing present (a probably really expensive necklace with the baby's initial as the centerpiece)'s ass.

Maybe I'll have my upcoming child support hearing photographed by someone artsy, and set it to a musical backdrop of Yanni (or some such nonsense).  Stay tuned- and please try to post on how beautiful it was.