Thursday, June 17, 2010

Application for Step Dad

Repost- trying to consolidate some blogs. Still relevant, though! :)

Application for Step-Dad
Current mood: cantankerous

Announcing vacancy for Step dad for Austin, trophy husband for Erin (11/04/08)

Please answer the following questions truthfully and honestly. Please attach a separate page if you feel any answer needs to explained more thoroughly.


Sex: (One can't be too sure these days)
Approximate salary: _______ yearly
Marital Status: if divorced, how evil is your ex-wife? 1(least evil- 5 makes Satan look like a Girl Scout) 1 2 3 4 5
amount of alimony/ month? ___
Children? y / n if yes, how many?
amount of child support/ month? ____
Do you like children? y n
Do you want to have more children? y n if yes, how many? ____

More questions:
Are you a musician, or do you plan in any way to one day support yourself by being a professional musician instead of your current job as a waiter? If yes, thank you for your interest, but your skill set is not a match for this position at this time. Y/ N

How crazy is your mother? 1 2 3 4 5
How involved is she in your life? 1 2 3 4 5
Do you work out? Y/ N
Please list your hobbies:

On a scale from 1-5, how much rage would you have if I asked you to take out the trash? 1 2 3 4 5

Do you drink? Y N
If yes, what is your drink of choice? Beer __ Whiskey __ Martini __ Something Fruity__ Jagermeister__
If you answered "Something Fruity" or "Jagermeister," you do not need to answer any more questions on this application. Thank you for your interest.
Approximate of drinks per week? 1 or 2 ___ 3-5___ 5-10___ I don't remember ___

You would best describe your perfect date as:
A. A couple of drinks, and a professional sporting event
B. A candlelight dinner and scenic walk
C. Doing repeated shots of Jagermeister at a dingy sports bar, followed by showing me videos of episodes of Reality TV that you appeared on
D. Just hanging out at home talking and watching movies
E. Something so strange and disturbing that it would never ever make this list

What is your credit score? ___

Approximately how many hours per week will you be willing to help me with the baby? ___

What would you want your role to be in Austin's life?
A. A strict disciplinarian
B. A friend and confidant
C. A role model
D. I want Austin to be my golf caddy
E. Mortal enemy
F. Other (please explain) __________

Why do you want to be considered for this position?

Thank you for your interest. Candidates who are determined by HR to be matches for the position will be contacted for follow-up interview.

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